Social anxiety can be so debilitating that it can limit you from social experiences, from making new connections, and can even hold you back in your career. This frustration often leads people wondering how to deal with social anxiety.
One of the toughest parts about social anxiety is knowing how to communicate. As a mental health therapist, and someone who has recovered from social anxiety, I’m an expert at communication strategies for social anxiety. This is post is ALL ABOUT how to deal with social anxiety and communication.
(Click here to read more about social anxiety disorder treatment)
Communication Tip #1- Take a Breath
When activated, social anxiety can make your body believe that it’s being threatened, causing your fight-or-flight response to engage. This can leave your heart racing, your thoughts scattered, and your breath shortened. Trying to talk with all of that going on? You’ll likely find yourself stuttering, saying things you don’t mean, or losing words.
Practice taking a big breath or two before speaking. Deep breathing, especially with a long breath out, can help calm down your system and slow down your heart rate. This will allow you to pause and think before speaking and give you a greater opportunity to communicate effectively.
If you’re nervous that people will think you’re strange for taking a breath before talking, don’t worry! It’s normal for people to fill up their lungs before speaking, so people will likely not notice!
Communication Tip #2- Prepare Yourself
Another communication tip on how to deal with social anxiety is to prepare yourself in advance. Social anxiety can make your mind go blank as soon as you’re prepared to talk, which can leave you looking like you don’t know what you’re talking about, even if you are an expert on the topic!
The more you practice scripts and communication topics in advance, the more likely your brain will be able to access this information, even in panic mode.
Do some research on what kind of people you will be interacting with and give yourself some topics in advance. Work event? Research some recent work-related news to bring up. Meetup with a new friend? Try and remember some things that they like and find relevant information to discuss.
Having scripts and prepared topics can feel awkward, but it is good practice until you get more used to engaging in conversation.
Communication Tip #3- Talk to Yourself
No, not out loud! BUT it can be helpful to give yourself pep talks or calming statements whenever you are anxious. Most people with social anxiety struggle with the extreme fear of judgement or rejection, often creating stories that make that reality seem true. For example, “Everyone’s thinks I’m weird,” or “They seem upset, I must have said something wrong.”
These types of statements are not only likely false, but they exacerbate your anxiety, making the situation worse. Try telling yourself opposite statements like, “Nobody is noticing me acting weird,” or “Their facial expressions probably have nothing to do with me.” While we don’t know if this is 100% true, it is probably true and also less anxiety producing to lead with these thoughts.
For more tips, watch this video on how to get out of your head in social situations.
Communication Tip #4- Ask Questions
This is not only important when working on how to deal with social anxiety but is a great tip for anyone in conversation. Most people like to feel like you’re interested in them and what they have to say. It makes people feel good when you are curious about them, and similarly can turn people off if all you talk about is yourself.
Take the pressure off of your anxiety and need to make a good impression by simply asking questions. Asking questions helps you get the know the person better and identify if there are any common areas of interest that you can communicate about.
Pro Tip: Ask open-ended questions that will encourage a longer answer. Instead of “Are you from this part of town?” Ask, “Where did you grow up?” This will open up opportunity for deeper conversation and follow-up questions. I have found that “What” and “How” questions work best.
Communication Tip #5- Have an Exit Strategy
Anxiety is constantly trying to get you to find a way to escape and get to safety. Having a plan in advance, even if you don’t use it, can help alleviate anxiety in the moment.
If you’ve ever felt anxious and overwhelmed in a social situation, trying to fight it can make it worse and you may end up doing something embarrassing just to get out. If you need to take a break, use your exit strategy to get some space and calm your system down.
Some examples of an exit strategy are:
“I’m so sorry, I got a text and need to call this person back really quick.”
“I’ll be right back, I realized I left something in my car.”
“I’m going to go grab a drink of water.”
Think of what would make sense in whatever situation you’re in and come up with something in advance. It may still come out awkward, but it can give you some relief knowing that you have it as a safety net.
I hope these communication tips were helping in knowing how to deal with social anxiety! Leave your comments below on your favorite social anxiety communication tips!
Other posts you may like:
7 Tips you Need for Social Anxiety Treatment
3 Steps to Overcome your Fear to Leave the House
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