The Inner Critic. It’s in all of us. It tells us that we won’t measure up, no one loves us, or we’re a failure. What’s the purpose of the inner critic and what are some of the most harmful inner critic examples?
As a mental health therapist, I see the inner critic come up ALL the time with my clients. If it’s not there initially, it will sneak in, just as people begin to heal. It’s important for people to recognize the inner critic and know how to work with it when it shows up. This post is ALL ABOUT the most harmful inner critic examples.
What is the Inner Critic?
The Inner Critic is a part of you that shows up and paints the world through a negative lens. It’s the part of you that tells you all of the negative and self-conscious things about yourself.
Why is it there? The short version is that it’s trying to protect you from potential shame, embarrassment, or rejection, it’s just not very good at its job. (Click here to read the long version)
Unfortunately, the inner critic often overshoots its words of caution, causing detrimental impacts to your mental health and your life overall. Here are the top 5 most harmful inner critic examples:
Inner Critic Example 1: “I’m a failure and always will be.”
When you view the world through this lens, you will be on alert for making mistakes or for not succeeding. This may even play out as perfectionism and fear of starting things that could lead to potential failure.
This belief often stems from messages that failure is unacceptable or experiences where failure led to embarrassment or rejection. The inner critic, therefore, is trying to prevent those consequences from playing out again.
To recover from this belief, tell your inner critic that’s it’s okay to fail sometimes. Failing can only happen if you take risks, and it doesn’t make you a failure. Once the concept of failure becomes less scary, the inner critic will learn to back off.
Inner Critic Example 2: “I’m worthless, and no one cares about me.”
This inner critic example is particularly harmful in relationships. When you view yourself as worthless, you will like be self-conscious in your connections with others, causing a self-fulfilling prophecy of people leaving or disengaging.
This belief likely stems from early experiences of feeling disconnected or disappointing to others (particularly caregivers). As you have moved through relationships, your brain has probably picked up on proof that you are worthless, causing your value to be diminished.
To recover from this belief, scan for evidence of your value and of your connections. If you cannot find your value, then begin to create it (through being there for friends, creating art, or anything else that speaks to you).
Inner Critic Example 3: “I don’t deserve success or happiness.”
There’s an old saying that says, “Whether you believe you will succeed or not, you’re right.” This means that if you believe you won’t succeed, the belief alone will hold you back from being able to achieve your dreams.
This often stems from either fear of success (the added responsibility or potential downfall) or having received messages in the past that you aren’t good enough.
To manage this inner critic message, you’ll want to reframe your beliefs around who deserves happiness. What is the framework for success or happiness and do you apply the same standard to everyone?
Inner Critic Example 4: “No matter how hard I try, it’ll never be enough.”
This belief is limiting because it doesn’t clearly define “enough.” If your inner critic is whispering this fear in your ear, it’s likely that there is no level of achievement that will satisfy.
This message likely exists as a way to motivate you to keep going, no matter what. The inner critic believes that if it stops telling you to search for more, then you’ll fall backward into the abyss (the inner critic is a bit dramatic).
To help remedy this, try and discover what your actual goals are and why. What’s the purpose of your achievements? Once you understand what you’re actually searching for, you can motivate yourself with purpose, instead of with fear.
Inner Critic Example 5: “I’m a burden to others.”
The last inner critic example to be on alert for is the message that you are a burden. If you believe this, then you will likely avoid asking for help, even when you need it. This can cause you to stay stuck or not be vulnerable in relationships.
This message tends to come from childhood wounds, of feeling like you were a burden to your caregivers. Sometimes it comes from romantic relationships as an adult or even friendships. Either way, you at some point felt like a burden and then that belief just stuck.
To help shift this though, begin to acknowledge the interdependence in relationships. Yes, you need people, but people also need you. Relationships have a healthy give and take, so it’s normal to need things sometimes. If you feel like you have nothing to offer back, begin exploring ways that you can give back to the people in your life.
These are the five most harmful inner critic examples that could show up in your life. The inner critic is well-intentioned, and will step aside once it sees it’s not longer needed. Practice these challenges daily to being feeling better.
Resources
Here are some helpful books to help with the Inner Critic:
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz
You may also be interested in:
How to do Shadow Work
How does the inner critic show up in your life? Comment below!
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