You’ve been invited to go out with your friends, you want to see them, but the thought of being in a crowd makes your stomach hurt, your body shake, and your heart race. Social Anxiety Disorder treatment is possible and easier than you might think!
As a mental health therapist, and a person who has recovered from social anxiety disorder, I know first-hand what it feels like to struggle with social anxiety, and what it takes to get better! This post is ALL ABOUT social anxiety disorder treatment.
What Causes Social Anxiety Disorder?
(Already understand the cause? Scroll down for tips!)
While there isn’t a singular cause, there are a lot of common experiences that can create social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia.
First, it’s important to know that social anxiety disorder is not the same as being shy, being introverted, or having a dislike toward people. Social anxiety disorder centers around the extreme fear of embarrassment, being judged, and ultimately being rejected.
Humans in general have a biological need to be accepted and connected. As a herd species, we have historically existed in groups, improving our survival and increasing our attachment to others. Being rejected from the group feels so painful because biologically, it is in our best interest to be accepted.
Of course, over time, people have found ways to become self-aware and increase independence, but that doesn’t change how we are hard-wired.
People that experience a strong fear of rejection or embarrassment are tapping into this natural response, except it is acting in overdrive, telling you that rejection and embarrassment are life-threatening and far more dangerous than they probably are.
If you experience this, you’ve likely experienced strong rejection or perceived rejection early in life. Maybe you have had multiple experiences, or messages, that you are not acceptable as you are or that people will be harmful toward you in social settings. For some, it only takes one major experience to activate their social anxiety disorder.
Just like any phobia, your body activates your fight or flight response when exposed to the trigger, giving you adrenaline for energy, making your heart race, slowing down your digestive system, and creating all sorts of uncomfortable experiences that are encouraging you to avoid the perceived threat.
Tip #1- Identify your Triggers
So, you know you have social phobia, now what? The first tip for social anxiety treatment would be to identify your triggers. It can look different for everyone! For me, I was able to maintain a job as a waitress, but I couldn’t sing the “Happy Birthday” song that was required on a guest’s special day. I could go to class and talk to my lab partner, but I couldn’t make a doctor’s appointment or give presentations.
It’s unclear what causes some things to seem safe for the brain and other things seem terrifying, but it’s helpful to know what you’re working with. Write down every time your social anxiety is activated, see if you can explore patterns or beliefs around the triggers to better understand your anxiety.
Tip #2- Old Reliable CBT
Using tools from one of the most common forms of therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), is the second tip for social anxiety disorder treatment. CBT asks you to explore your thinking patterns around the emotion and adjust them to help shift the way you feel and experience reality.
Of course, it’s not as easy as just telling yourself not to be scared (I wish!), but it helps to notice what you’re thinking and work to challenge thinking errors. An example of a thinking error might be, “I’m going to embarrass myself and everyone will make fun of me.” This is a form of future-telling, and likely not true. Instead shift to, “I might do something embarrassing, but people probably won’t even notice or care.” You’ll want to change the thought to something that feels right for you.
It’s important to recognize that you can’t predict the future, or read minds, so it could be false to say “People aren’t going to judge me” because we don’t know that. Focus on using “maybes” and “coulds” instead of definitive statements. For example, “Maybe people will judge me, but I don’t have to let that control me.”
What thoughts surround your social anxiety? How might you change them to feel more comfortable?
Tip #3- Then What?
Another skill used often in therapy is playing out the narrative. Think of your worst-case scenario, and ask yourself, “Then what?”
I get to the party, and I don’t know anyone. Then what? I look around for someone I know, but don’t find anyone. Then what? I go stand in the corner and look stupid. Then what? Maybe, a stranger talks to me and I stumble over my words. Then what? Then I have to leave, and I feel bad that I messed up. Then what? Well, then I guess I go home. Then what?
You get the point. Typically, when you walk yourself through the narrative, you’ll find that it’s not so bad. It may be embarrassing and not feel great, but ultimately, you survive the scenario. Remember, social anxiety is telling you that these scenarios are life and death, so helping your anxiety see that you’ll survive the worst-case scenario can be helpful in calming it down.
Tip #4- Calm your Body
Anxiety at the core is a physical condition. The majority of the time, people with social anxiety disorder are aware that there is nothing to worry about, but their body responds anyways. This can make social anxiety worse because some of the symptoms of your anxiety (sweating, forgetfulness, fuzzy thoughts) can create the embarrassing experience you were trying to avoid.
One of the best ways to manage anxiety is through breathwork. Breath is directly linked to the heart, which is directly linked to the bloodstream, which is working to get all of the extra energy chemicals through your system. Slowing down your breathing helps to slow down the heart and let’s your body know to go into a more relaxed state.
Deep breathing works best when you allow your “out-breath” to be longer than your “in-breath.” (Click here to better understand anxiety in the body). Try taking a big breath in, and then as slow as possible, release the air back out. Keep doing this throughout the experience to decrease your physical anxiety.
Note: Some people start to feel like headed when deep breathing. If this happens, allow yourself to go back to a more natural breath for a few rounds, then go back into deep breathing. (Click here to listen to a meditation on calming the mind)
Tip #5- Practice, Practice, Practice
After you have explored your thinking patterns and practiced your breathing techniques, you are all geared up to start practicing! Anxiety is created and reduced by lived experience, meaning, the only way to get over a fear, is to face it.
Exposure therapy is a type of therapy that aims to slowly desensitize you to your fear. Think of it like getting ready for a big game. You don’t start by jumping onto the field, you start by slowly conditioning your body and mind to prepare for the big moment.
For social anxiety disorder treatment, a first step might look like imagining yourself making that phone call, role-playing it with a friend (or an empty chair), or writing out a script. Step two might look like making a phone call that is less threatening, like placing a to-go order, or raising your hand and answering one question in class. As each step feels easier, you want to “level-up” until your reach your goal.
Tip #6- Acceptance
Another important tip for social anxiety disorder treatment is the idea of acceptance. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), you are encouraged to accept certain things that are out of your control, and then make choices that align with your values anyways.
For social anxiety disorder, this could look like accepting that your body will start shaking or sweating on your way to a social gathering, but choosing to put yourself in the situation anyways to work toward you goal of overcoming this disorder. It might look like accepting that people tend to be judgmental, but putting yourself in that risky situation, knowing you are doing what you believe in.
As you practice challenging your anxiety, accept that it will feel uncomfortable. You likely will mess up sometimes, your anxiety will kick in, and you won’t always have a successful experience. AND that’s okay. It doesn’t take away from the process and what you are trying to accomplish.
Tip #7- Take a Pause
The final tip for social anxiety disorder treatment is to take a pause. Oftentimes, anxiety will make things feel more urgent than they are. Rushing through a situation, trying to get words out quickly, or leaving an awkward conversation as soon as possible can make things go from bad to worse.
Try to take a pause and a breath before speaking or taking an action. It will slow you down and give you time to think. You might think, “But won’t that seem weird.” Not really. People will likely not even notice, because breathing is a very natural thing to do!
Remember no one is thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about you. If you feel yourself getting nervous, pause, take a breath, and keep going.
These are the seven tips that I used to help heal my social anxiety disorder. If you’d like to better understand trauma, or where anxiety comes from, watch this video on trauma!
I hope this was helpful in better understanding social anxiety disorder treatment! How do you manage your social anxiety disorder? Comment below!
Other posts you may like:
How to Regulate your Emotions
3 Steps to Overcome your Fear to Leave the House
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