Embracing the Darkness: Insights on the Shadow Self (Jung)

Life exists in balance—a balance of good and bad, light and dark. Within you, there are parts of you that may feel hidden or shameful but embracing them can bring you internal peace. This is the shadow self.

As a mental health therapist, I love helping people explore and embrace even the darkest parts of themselves. This post is ALL ABOUT Embracing the Shadow Self (Jung).

What is the Shadow Self (Jung)?

Psychologist Carl Jung, the founder of Analytical Psychology, developed the concept of the Shadow as one of the many archetypes, or parts of oneself, that every person has within them.

Jung’s Shadow is said to hold the parts of you that are separate from your conscious self. These are the parts of you that you may feel shame toward. Perhaps these parts are societally unacceptable. Maybe they were parts that were not allowed to exist in childhood. Subconsciously, you have banned these parts from showing themselves.

Unfortunately, when we cast parts aside, they don’t stop existing within our bodies and minds. Your shadow self may start to show up in emotions, intrusive thoughts, dreams, or even Freudian slips.

The only way to find inner peace around the shadow self is to understand and embrace it.

Exploring the Shadow Self

Discovering your shadow self is a process, and there are several ways to begin exploring these parts of you.

Explore Intense Emotions

Whenever you are experiencing intense emotions that don’t match the circumstances, your body is telling you that there is something else underneath. Try and explore situations where you felt dysregulated, and try and notice what emotions were underneath.

Every emotion serves a purpose (click here to better understand different emotions). Once you identify the emotion, explore your self-beliefs that are tied to that emotion.

Some examples of self-beliefs are:

I’m a bad person. I’m a jealous person. I want validation. I want this person all to myself. I’m not good enough. I think people hate me. I’m powerless. I want to hurt this person.

There are a lot of reasons these beliefs get created. Instead of ignoring them or trying to change them, try exploring them further.

Think about People you Dislike

Sometimes you dislike someone because of a very obvious reason like they’ve hurt you in the past or your values are very misaligned. But have you ever found yourself disliking or being annoyed with someone for less obvious reasons?

Whenever you have strong feelings of annoyance, dislike, or disgust for another person’s behaviors, especially when their behaviors don’t directly impact you, it’s possible that your shadow self is being projected onto this person.

Think about the themes or behaviors that you tend to dislike. Some examples are self-boasting, attention-seeking, people showing signs of weakness or being vulnerable, people being foolish or embarrassing themselves, or even people being successful.

The things you dislike are likely qualities that you subconsciously possess. For example, the desire for approval or validation, the desire to hurt people when in pain, the desire to be goofy, feeling self-conscious, feeling powerless, or even having uncomfortable emotions that you don’t want to feel.

Your body does this because it is feeling shame about seeing these parts exist so openly in other people. Because your brain doesn’t want to admit that it can relate to it, it creates a strong defense to keep the Shadow Self hidden.

Journal about Yourself

No person is all good or all bad. Therapy journaling is a great way to get to know yourself better. (Click here for therapy journaling prompts)

One idea to get started is to write a list of “Things I like about Myself,” and next to it, write a list of “Things I don’t like about myself.”

Try and be as honest with yourself as possible. If you start to feel uncomfortable writing things down, then you are probably getting closer to fully understanding your Shadow.

Some examples could look like this: I sometimes get jealous. I have thoughts of hurting people. I wish everyone liked me. I want to be the center of attention. I might do bad things for more money. I don’t always feel like I matter.

Find a Therapist

Exploring the shadow self can be tough on your own, so don’t be afraid to ask for help! A therapist, especially one familiar with Analytical Psychology or Internal Family Systems, can help you safely navigate the different parts. (Click here to search for a therapist near you)

Embracing the Shadow Self

After getting to know the shadow self a little better, the next step would be learning how to embrace it. It may seem counterintuitive to embrace behaviors or thoughts that are socially unacceptable, like, “It feels good to hurt people” or “I want everyone to validate me.” So, let’s be clear, embracing is not the same as letting the shadow take over your decision-making (although it can in some situations).

Embracing the shadow self means understanding and accepting that these parts exist and responding healthily when they show themselves.

View Behaviors without Judgment

If you can look at the behaviors or thoughts of the Shadow Self without judgment, it helps to normalize the desires.

For example, the desire to hurt other people. Hurting others can serve the purpose of helping you feel powerful, helping you feel protected, or helping you feel in control. If you have a part of you that desires this, try to understand why. If you had experiences where you’ve been repeatedly hurt or lost control, this part might have developed as a way to protect you. Being able to view this behavior as a response to past hurt doesn’t make it acceptable to act upon, but it can help you have more empathy for yourself when you have the desire.

This same exploration works for any behavior or desire! Ask yourself: “What is the purpose of this part/behavior/desire?” and “What is another way I could get that need met?”

Meet the Needs of the Shadow

If your shadow parts exist as ways to protect you or get normal needs met (like validation from others). Acknowledge that and find ways to get your needs met.

For example, if your shadow self wants attention, find healthy ways to get attention from others. If your shadow self wants to feel protected, find ways to feel safer.

Acknowledge the Shadow

The more you acknowledge your shadow self, the more you can recognize and work with it. For example, “I’m feeling jealous, and that makes sense, and I will choose to be happy for this person as well,” or “I’m getting defensive and not listening to the other person, and that makes sense., I probably need to pause the conversation.”

It’s normal and okay to have parts of you that you don’t like as much, AND pretending they don’t exist only gives them power over you.

Shadow work can be deep and intricate the more you explore. If you feel overwhelmed by the process, seek out some help or guidance! I hope this post helped you better understand and embrace your shadow self.